test

where I live is
meatspace
I dwell in
brick and mortar
not cyber
not chic
real concrete
no wonder
I suffer the pain
of
realism
Testing how long, let's see
How long can I sit here?
waiting for... what?
How long does this test last
and why
do I have to take it
what do I get
if I
pass?

stages of grief and joy

In the thick of green
you remember
blue
must you be so
fickle?

surrounded by red
you crave yellow
bright blinding gold
on top of
tarnished silver
to make sure your gray
looks
fresh
Right about when purple comes by
you push
for white
yes: no color
than black
and that makes you miss
pink

bigger than I look

Bigger than it looks
petals unfold in your sun, warm
clocks tick and whir
under a cloud
where you sit and
watch me melt
like so much snow
a lump on the floor
dissolving
into nothing
small, tiny, effortless
but
I am
Bigger than I look.

for the one's who wait

Once inside you rest and wait
and know what all the oceans know
The secret
of rythm and wave
movement without motion
Water holds thought of you
and your fingertips
drum drum drum
in the raindrops near the
windowsill of the house off
the coast of Spain
where I live
where you live
The silence is loud and makes you
creep around to save it
from hearing you at all
motion without movement
you rest
and wait
drum drum drum

sweet tarts

She loved candy but it did not love her.. it clung to her belly and thighs, rotted her teeth. She brushed so hard her gums bled, but still the cavities came. She hated the dentist, the way he smelled like mouthwash and plastic. Dr. Brannen held her down when she was small, so he could give her a shot of novacaine and drill for her first filling. Now getting into his chair made her short of breath and claustrophobic. Even as she became a teenager she still felt five years old in his cold office filled with metal things and medicinal smells. Every time she got up from the chair, sticking to it with sweat, she vowed that she would never buy another chocolate bar, never eat another piece of cake or scoop of ice cream. Somehow it never lasted, somehow the sweets found their way into her mouth and she forgot again.

greedy little heart

There were a few things that stood out to Rosemary when she thought of her mother. Memory was unreliable, fleeting images that might have been imagined, seen in a movie or told in gossip. The one thing , the sure thing she knew was that her mother often said to her in a sad, scornful voice, 'You have a greedy little heart Rosemary Marie Lynch, a greedy little heart that will get you into trouble and leave you broken.' She could picture the words tumbling out of her mothers thin tightly held lips, creases running up from them, yellowed teeth in a cold smile, a cigarette coming up and closing her mouth to inhale.

She recalled the last time her mother uttered those words, the last time she said anything at all to Rosemary. She had been in and out of the hospital and the last operation had failed to remove the cancer that was eating her from the inside. Rosemary had felt obligated to visit, driven more by guilt than caring and had driven the 100 miles south to her childhood home. Pulling up in front she saw that the house seemed to have shrunken and decayed, grown as frail as her mother inside. The front door had cobwebs in the corners and the dingy paint had cracked like dried mud. The door bell buzzed instead of ringing and a spark flew out to land on her arm when she pushed the button. Rosemary gasped and stepped back, nearly falling off the small porch backwards. She stepped forward again, straightened her skirt, smoothed her hair with unsteady hands and waited.

too much time to count the stars

Rosemary reached the lake at midnight as she agreed to. Brent was not there so she waited. She looked up at the night sky and the millions of bright dots the stars made and wondered at the sheer quantity of them. If she had enough time to count them that meant that Brent was not coming after all. Stupid idea anyway, it was freezing out here and if momma found out she was gone out the window there would be hell to pay.